the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
