When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
