I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my phone needs a breathalizer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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