whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
