This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
