it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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