My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
