Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
