Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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