i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
