Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
