and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
