We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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