Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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