I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
