I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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