I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
