so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
