i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
