I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
