they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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