i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
