Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
