States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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