she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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