Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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