I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
