highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
