she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
