i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
