he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
