Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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