Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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