I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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