Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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