I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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