So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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