I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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