Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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