Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
