this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
