i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
