Kiss
Puke
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
