There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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