Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
