You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
