Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
