he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
