His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
