Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
